November 17, 2022
On This Thankful Thursday…We are Grateful …For your Friendship
Author’s note:
As I was writing about the unique friendship of Carlos and Kendall below, the story of another child came to mind. I must admit, I never met the child. I don’t even recall his name. And yet, his story is forever etched in my mind.
It was the young boy’s birthday, and his mother watched as he sat in his wheelchair by the window, waiting for his friends to arrive for his birthday party. Oh, he was so excited! They would have cake and ice cream and there would be lots and lots of presents.
But, as the young boy sat there looking out the window, minutes ticked by, and no one came. Finally, the boy turned to his mother and, because he could not speak, he signed to her just two words, “Friends, where?”
The minutes slowly continued to tick by.
Sadly, the boy’s “friends” never came, and he was left alone on his birthday.
“I didn’t know being friendless was the norm for children with physical and intellectual disabilities,” said the mother.
In fact, studies have shown people with disabilities are 50 percent more likely to be lonely than peers without disabilities, because their physical and intellectual differences can make it challenging to develop friendships.
I share the story of this young boy not to make you sad, but to inspire you with the knowing it does not have to be this way. As the story of Mountain Shadows friends, Carlos and Kendall, illustrates below, no one, abled or disabled, has to suffer from loneliness.
And on this Thankful Thursday, we give you our deepest gratitude for helping us build a Mountain Shadows Community of family, and friends, where, if the question is asked:
“Friends, where?”
We can answer proudly:
“Friends, right here.”
How Carlos Met Kendall
Friendship with a Little Pizzazz on Top
by Sheryl Wilde
“Kendall was working in the maintenance department,” says Mountain Shadows resident Carlos. “He was passing by one day and we just said, ‘Hello’ to each other. That’s how our friendship started. We kept talking to each other, and we hung out, and then we had lunch at Hooter’s, and we’ve been friends ever since. We enjoy each other’s company.
“Kendall is like a brother to me. He makes me laugh. We joke around. We talk about football. I keep him in check and he keeps me in check.”
“After that first lunch — it’s been history since then,” adds Kendall Jordan.
“I have two older sisters. I never had a brother in my life. Carlos has stepped into that role. He’s always trying to take care of me. He makes sure everyone around me is up to his standards. He makes sure I know he’s my big brother and if I need to be put in my place, he’s right there to do it.
“If I’m down in the dumps, Carlos finds a way to make my day better. He’s had every struggle in the world, and if he had a bad attitude, you couldn’t really blame him. But he always finds a way to have a smile on his face, every single day. And he finds a way to put a smile on my face. He’s had a rough go of things, but he always finds a silver lining in every situation.”
Says Stacy Sullivan, Director of Operations, Mountain Shadows Support Group, “Carlos and Kendall have a really great friendship. They have a really cool relationship. They’re just buddies – and that’s the way the world should really work.” But often it doesn’t.
It was when Kendall left California to attend Ohio State that he realized this wasn’t the way the rest of the world worked. “I was used to seeing Carlos all the time at Mountain Shadows,” says Kendall. “It was very normalized. I got used to it. But, when I went to Ohio, the situation was vastly different and I learned how unique the situation at Mountain Shadows is.
“At Mountain Shadows, Carlos has all of his friends there, and everybody has these relationships going on. There’s the drama. There’s the happiness. It’s an entire community. Mountain Shadows is a home. It’s not just an assisted living facility. It is a home for people who need extra help. They can do things. They have fun. They have relationships. Their friends come over. They can go off campus. They can go grab lunch. They are able to live as much of a normalized life as anyone else.
“From what I saw in Ohio, that doesn’t happen. In Ohio, they have facilities, not homes. They’re pretty locked down. It’s like, “You’re doing this, then this, then this.” And if they wanted to go see someone, it was like, “Okay, you can plan that for next week, or next month.
“To me, Mountain Shadows is the gold standard. The residents are allowed to have fun. There’s an understanding that just because an individual is disabled, it doesn’t mean that they’re unable. It doesn’t mean they’re incapable.
“I grew up with my uncle, Jimmy, who had Down Syndrome. He had the same ability as Carlos, that way of brightening your day. So, I’ve learned people with disabilities are just the same as you and me, except they’re a little special. They’ve got a little bit of extra pizzaz on top.
“They just want to be treated like everyone else – as a friend. They just want you to sit down with them, talk to them, ask how their day is going, maybe throw a football together.
“We need more people to go out and make friends with others that aren’t like them, that are in a situation that’s completely different from their own – and it will be awesome! It will change their perspective. They will learn something new. It will change their life!”
Some may say the friendship between Carlos and Kendall is nothing special. They are just two young men, sharing the ups and downs of life together.
It is our hope that friendship between the disabled and non-disabled will someday be the norm, and that another disabled child will never be left alone, longingly looking out a window, for friends that never come.
Until that day, if ever the question is asked at Mountain Shadows:
“Friends, where?”
As Carlos and Kendall can attest, it is our promise to proudly answer:
“Friends, right here.”