Some parts of the story below may be difficult to read. It is a true story. And it’s one we feel is important to share with you. We share it with you now, during this Mother’s Day month, to show you a story of a mother’s journey from near death, to new life – and of her bravery, her courage, and her love for her children … without boundaries. And to show you – this is why we care. This is why you are here. And this is what we do – thanks to you and your support. We still need more than $4,000 to reach our goal. We need your help to continue serving those like Susen, and her son, Trever, in the story below.
Please click below to show your support now. Your donation will be doubled, only this month, up to $10,000.
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“I want to know if you can get up, After a night of grief and despair, Weary and bruised to the bone, And do what needs to be done
To care for the children.” * by Sheryl Wilde Susen Dean was about to find out if she could.
She was at the top of the stairs when she came to. She wasn’t sure how she got there. Was it an angel? Trever? Thank God the police and the paramedics were there now.
He had grabbed her by the neck, and tried to strangle her. She fell to the closet floor, and he kicked her, and kicked her, over and over again.
Her ten-year-old daughter was on the phone with 911 and she was screaming, “Trever, go find mom! Go find mom!”
Twelve-year-old Trever ran toward the screams, finding his mom on the floor in the closet. Then he turned on Trever and pushed him away. He realized Trever wasn’t going to stop, that he would not leave his mom, so he ran out of the room, pushing her daughter down the stairs as he tried to make his escape. They found her there, at the top of the stairs, and rushed her to ER.
The hospital staff had called her mother, “You need to come to the hospital now. I don’t think your daughter is going to make it.” Three of her ribs had been shattered. Her liver had been lacerated.
She was transferred to Scripps La Jolla hospital, so that her organs could be taken, and donated.
When she came to again, she was in ICU. With what little strength she had, she grabbed ahold of the nurse who was tending to her. Pleading, she said, “I have two children. They will die without me. You can’t let me die.”
Somehow, perhaps through the grace of God, she lived. But her nightmare had only begun. |
“I want to know if you will stand In the center of the fire with me And not shrink back.” * At times, the fire must have seemed all-consuming. But Susen never thought about giving up.
“My kids saved my life,” she says. “God only knows what would have happened to them had I died. There would have been little hope for them.”
Susen’s son, Trever, is autistic and has OCD. Both he, and his sister, Nicolette, have suffered from PTSD since the incident.
Susen was a single mother. Her recovery was painful and slow. “It hasn’t been an easy road for us. But I knew I had to live for my children.”
Both children have gone through years of counseling and therapy. He was released early, after one year in jail. Since the incident, Susen has had to have restraining orders issued – 4 times. |
“I want to know what sustains you, From the inside, When all else falls away.” * Before the incident, life had already been filled with challenges for Susen.
“Trever appeared healthy when he was born,” says Susen. “He started crawling at about eight months, and started walking around twelve months. He was starting to talk. Everything was “normal”, and he was hitting all the milestones.
“Then, when he was 15 months, I had him vaccinated, and he suddenly had a fever of 105. After that everything changed. He stopped talking and did nothing but scream. He would rock back and forth all the time. And then he started banging his head against the walls. He wouldn’t touch anything. He wouldn’t touch dirt. He wouldn’t touch food.” Doctors at the time, nearly 30 years ago, weren’t trained about spectrum disorders. Susen went to doctor after doctor, and she had to fight to get anyone to take her seriously, and to get a diagnosis. Her husband refused to see and to admit anything was wrong with their son. “Trever would be hitting his head against the wall, and it was a battle trying to convince anyone that something was not right.”
But Susen knew in her heart something was wrong and she would not stop until she knew what it was. “To me, parents have to be their child’s best advocate. They have to be their voice.”
Thanks to Susen’s refusal to stop fighting for her son, “Trever was diagnosed with autism and OCD at two and a half years. When he was 5 years old, they told me what they thought his future capabilities would be. They said he would probably never be able to function on his own. They said he would barely be able to talk. They said he would never go beyond a four- or five-year old’s mental capabilities. They said he would never be potty trained.
“When I finally got the diagnosis, it was horrible. Horrible. I think, when a parent gets a diagnosis like this, there is a period where we grieve of not having a “normal” child.
“‘And I have to admit that not all of my grief was for Trever. I started feeling sorry for myself. I was in a bad marriage. Caring for Trever was a full-time job. It was hard. So hard. But I think one of the many things Trever has taught me, is that on the days that I feel like, “Oh, poor me!” Well, God will show me a child that’s having a day 10 times worse.” As everything in her life began to fall away, what sustained her?
“Trever saved me. Trever’s disability has helped me grow as a person. He showed me what’s important in life. I realized my job is to make sure he can be the best person he can be. And, once I was able to rise above my self-pity, I realized the truth – Trever is an incredible gift.” |
“I want to know
If you can live with failure, And still stand at the edge Of the lake, And shout to the silver of The full moon, “Yes!” * As Susen stood at the edge, despite the diagnosis that Trever would most likely need 24-hour care for the rest of his life, she knew, in her mother’s heart, there could be more for her son. “I basically said to Trever, “We don’t have to listen to what they say. We can go at our own pace and do the things that are best for you.” That’s always been our philosophy.
“I’m a nutritionist by education. So, I did a lot of research and I learned that many children with autism had gastrointestinal issues.”
Recent research has shown the gut-brain axis plays a crucial role in autism. The gut microbiome affects brain function, and communication between the gut and the brain.
“So, I put Trever on a whole-food diet. That means no cheese, no dairy, no wheat, no gluten, no processed foods, no soda. Everything was raw. That was all he would eat. I fed him six times a day.
“Within a very short time of being on this diet, Trever came to me all of sudden and said, “I have to go to the bathroom.” It was amazing! A full sentence – and he let me know he had to go to the bathroom!
“It was a lot of work. A lot of work. But he was eventually able to talk in full sentences and go to the bathroom on his own!
“They said he’d never speak. They said he’d never be potty trained. They said he wouldn’t go beyond five years old mentally – and just look at him now!”
Susen stood at the edge and shouted “Yes!” at the silver light of the moon, while all others saw only darkness. |
“I want to know If you can see beauty Even when it may not be pretty
Every day” * “Trever’s brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s,” says Susen. But that doesn’t stop her from seeing the beauty in Trever’s uniqueness.
“Trever has to live in this world with everyone else. We’re figuring out how to do that together.
“I don’t want to say where I think he’s at mentally right now. I want to say where I think he’s going. If I put a label on him, of where I think he’s at right now, I’m afraid I might stick to that label – and I don’t want to do that.
“Today, Trever is taking college courses – and he’s working!
“Trever is the most loving, sweetest kid you will ever meet. He has always loved Legoland. We’ve been members there forever. When we started thinking about a job for him, he said he really wanted to work at Legoland.
“He was determined to get hired there, so we practiced his interview skills. He went in and he didn’t do very well. So, I wrote to Legoland and said, “I want you to give Trever another chance. Trever can do this job and he can do it very well. He’ll be one of your best employees.
“He got a second interview. We practiced some more. He put a suit on. And he was SO GOOD at answering their questions and showing his enthusiasm. And, literally, we barely made it home from the interview, and they hired him – and he’s been there for nine years! And since Trever was hired, they’ve been hiring more adults with disabilities. “I’ve always told Trever, “I’m going to go after what I want. I’m going to try!” I’m so proud of him – that’s exactly what he did.” |
“Trever also recently ran in the Carlsbad 5K,” adds Susen. “A friend ran with him, but Trever was able to run faster. He ran the last mile on his own! It was incredible. He did it in 31 minutes. That was a lot for him. I was so proud of him. I was bawling. He is sunshine.” |
“I want to know If you can sit with pain Mine or your own,
Without moving To hide it.” *
Adds Susen, “Sometimes Trever’s PTSD is still really bad, and he’ll panic and say, “What happens if you go away?
“My daughter, Nicolette, had to be home schooled. She couldn’t even go to school. She would panic and say, “You’ve got to let me go home or my mom’s going to die!”
Susen knew she couldn’t work outside the home. Trever, and her daughter, Nicolette, needed her.
She eventually started her own home-based trucking company, TN Logistics and Total Freight Management. The “T” is for Trever, and the “N” is for Nicolette. “I did whatever I could to stay at home with them,” says Susen.
“My clients know I have a special needs child. I tell them, “If Trever needs me, I’m going to take care of him first, then I’ll come back to you. I think that’s just what we all should do. And when we do that, do what’s best for others, for our children, we’ll get rewards – and I feel like Trever is my reward. “What happened to my children was horrible, just horrible. It’s still tough for them. But I tell them, “You can grow and learn from it, or you can be a victim. Be a survivor, not a victim. We’re all survivors.” |
“I want to know
If you will risk Looking like a fool for love, For your dream, For the adventure of being alive.” *
While Susen would do anything for her children, she knew she needed some help. Mountain Shadows Ancillary Services provided the loving help she needed.
“I had tried several other services, and had been through a lot of different caregivers,” says Susen. “I wanted to keep a constant, ongoing person in Trever’s life. When I met Cecilia Bello, Director of Ancillary Services, MSAS, she convinced me they were going to do what’s best for Trever. And they have. They’ve done a great job! “Mountain Shadows has people that are really qualified. They know and understand people on the spectrum.
“We’ve been working with Stephanie Hanson at MSAS now for a long time. She’s wonderful! She’s been able to help Trever with the many ins and outs of daily life.
“She helps him with school, helps him stay on task, helps explain things when he doesn’t understand. She helps with his daily exercise program, which also helps with his mental health.
“Stephanie takes Trever to college, helps him get settled in, then gets him to the activities for the day. When he’s off school, they go work out at the gym, they go on hikes. They sometimes run errands to get what he needs to do done. It’s kind of a special time with his buddy, Stephanie.
“She did Uber with him. He didn’t like going in the car with strangers, so she would go with him. Trever had to set it up on his phone, and she’d ride with him. They’d also go on the train. He had to figure out where it stopped, how he’d walk in. There are a lot of things she helps with to help him integrate. They walked the entire Carlsbad 5k racetrack, so he would know where it went. “ |
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“I want to know
If you can be alone with yourself, And if you truly like the company you keep,
In the empty moments.” * Continues Susen, “Mountain Shadows – when I can’t be there, or I need help with something – they are there. That’s what they do for me. “When I release Trever to Stephanie, I know he’s safe. I know they will watch over him and take care of him. Maybe some people say that’s just a mother’s need. It’s more than that for me, because of all that happened. I need to make sure he’s safe and secure. “So, part of what Mountain Shadows does for me, is to give me that release, and that understanding, that they are caretakers – and they really do care. I believe they truly care. That makes all the difference in the world. “I know Trever will be in great care, and Mountain Shadows will do whatever they can to protect him. That’s important to me. We need that security.” |
“I want to know
What you ache for, And if you dare to dream
Of meeting your heart’s longing.” *
“Mountain Shadows brings me a safe place to land, and they give me a little bit of respite. They allow Trever a safe place to learn and grow with someone other than me. They show him it’s okay to be with someone other than me. That’s good. That’s what I really want for him.
“I am so grateful for Mountain Shadows.” |
“I want to know If you have touched The center of your own sorrow,
If you have been opened By life’s betrayals, Or have become shrivelled, And closed from fear of further pain.” *
Susen touched the center of her sorrow, and opened her heart when faced by life’s betrayals. We honor her strength, courage, and boundless love on this Mother’s Day. From our entire Mountain Shadows Family, Happy Mother’s Day, Susen! *from Oriah Mountain Dreamer |
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Your support will help us continue to provide loving care for Susen, Trever, and all of our Mountain Shadows residents and clients.
And thanks to Portia Bibb’s generous pledge to match up to $10,000, your donation to the Mountain Shadows Foundation will be doubled!
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On Mother’s Day, and all days, the Mountain Shadows Foundation funds activities which add meaning and richness to our residents’ lives. Please share this story with your family, friends and co-workers to help grow our Mountain Shadows Family!
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The Mountain Shadows Foundation – Because We CARE |
Thanks to YOUR SUPPORT, the Mountain Shadows CARE program provides recreational and social experiences to residents and participants adding meaning and richness to their lives.
It’s easy for you to help us continue to provide activities like this – activities that improve the quality of our residents’ lives in fulfillment of their dreams. Here are some ways you can help ensure these crucial activities can continue for years to come: -
Make a one-time donation today by clicking on the donate button below.
- Make a monthly or annual contribution.
- Leave a Legacy Gift.
To learn more about the Mountain Shadows Foundation Legacy Society, to include us in your estate plan, or to let us know if you have already designated Mountain Shadows to receive a legacy gift, please contact Mandy Huiras, Director of Development at: mhuiras@mtnshadows.org, or visit our website by clicking here:
Learn More About the Mountain Shadows Foundation Legacy Society
Please share this story with your family, friends and co-workers to help grow our Mountain Shadows Family! | Mandy Huiras
Mountain Shadows Foundation Director of Development
Contact Mandy today to learn more about the Mountain Shadows Foundation and how you can continue to make a difference in the lives of our residents:
mhuiras@mtnshadows.org |
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