Friends. Where?
A Story of Friendship The Mountain Shadows Way |
Author’s Note:
As I was writing the article below, about the unique friendship of Mountain Shadows resident, Stacy, and his friend, Christian Marinello, a story from years ago came to mind.
Some of you may recall the story as well. I share it again today, because its message touches deeply into the heart of what it truly means, to be so honored, to be a member of the Mountain Shadows Family.
It was the story of a young boy. A boy I never met. I don’t even recall the child’s name. And yet, his story is forever etched in my mind.
It was the young boy’s birthday, and his mother watched as he sat in his wheelchair by the window, looking out, waiting for his friends to arrive for his birthday party. Oh, he was so excited! They would have cake and ice cream, and there would be lots of presents.
But, as the young boy sat there looking out the window, minutes ticked by, and no one came. Finally, the boy turned to his mother and, because he could not speak, he signed to her just two words, “Friends. Where?”
The minutes slowly continued to tick by as they sat in silence looking out the window. Sadly, the boy’s “friends” never came, and he was left alone on his birthday. “I didn’t know being friendless was the norm for children with physical and intellectual disabilities,” said the mother.
In fact, studies have shown people with disabilities are 50 percent more likely to be lonely than peers without disabilities, because their physical and intellectual disabilities can make it challenging to develop friendships.
I share this story with you now, not to make you sad, but to inspire you with the knowing it does not have to be this way. As the story of Mountain Shadows friends, Stacy and Christian, illustrates below, no one, able-bodied or disabled, has to suffer from loneliness.
And, on this day, we give you our deepest gratitude for helping us build a Mountain Shadows community of family, and friends, where, if the question is asked: “Friends. Where?” We can answer proudly: “Friends. Right here.” |
Christian Marinello and MSCH – SD resident, Stacy Bibb. |
by Sheryl Wilde
Stacy & Christian: Friends. Right Here.
“I served in the military, as a Marine,” says Christian Marinello, former MSCH-SD Direct Care Staff (DCS), and Stacy’s friend for the past 37 years. “I was a fireman for many years. I’m a Federal Officer now. But, Stacy, he’s always been my hero.
“I was lucky enough to be selected as a Teacher’s Assistant for the Special Education class back in high school. That’s where I met Stacy. I got to work with several of the Mountain Shadows folks in class, but, Stacy, he was my guy. We were about the same age and we just hit it off from day one. Stacy was the reason I went to work at Mountain Shadows.
“I was going through my own struggles in high school. I had dyslexia. They didn’t really have a good understanding of it back then. I was just thinking I wasn’t as smart, or just couldn’t function the way other people did. Maybe that’s a big part of why I ended up working with special needs individuals. “Once I started working with them, I fell in love. They are just the most real people you will ever meet. They’re my favorite people in the world. There’s no drama. They don’t put on fake shows for anyone.
“When I got to Mountain Shadows, it just felt like home. I got to work with so many amazing people. And when I became DCS at Palm house, where Stacy was living at the time, we just had the best time.
“Back then, Stacy was just a regular teenage kid, but in a different body. And, I’m not going to lie, he wanted to be a rebel. He wanted to be the cool kid. He wore all the tie dye stuff, and his Converse high tops.” |
Christian and Stacy, back in the day. |
“When I was in the Marines, I was stationed in Japan for a year,” says Christian. “Periodically, I just wanted to reach out to Stacy. I’d have to buy a phone card, and it cost like 79 cents a minute. The staff would help out, and let me know if Stacy was saying yes or no. Just to be able to talk to him and hear his screaming. It was a touch of home. Stacy’s always been my best friend.”
Adds Portia, “Now, over three decades later, Christian and Stacy are like brothers. Christian is a part of our family – and we’re a part of his family! “I just have a sense of wonderment about all of this. Any time anyone pays special attention to Stacy, you know, it just takes over my heart.” |
Stacy and Portia in the early days. |
“God puts certain people in our lives for a reason,” says Christian. “That was the case when God brought Stacy into my life. “Some look at Stacy and say, ‘Oh, I feel so sorry for him.’ But Stacy is one of the most amazing people in the world!
“I’m a man of faith and I think God creates different people the way they are for different reasons. But, we are all creations of God. I’ve been able to travel the world and see all the different faiths, and I feel they all have one thing in common – love of one another. We’re all in this together.
“God wants us to be happy, and to enjoy life, to embrace it. Stacy does that, even with what we call his limitations.
“God didn’t make a mistake with Stacy. He created an amazing person that people can learn from. And I have learned so much from him.” |
Christian watching Augmental representative teach Stacy how to use his newest tongue-touch keypad, which allows Stacy to control his computer with the touch of his tongue. |
“I’ve had several transitions in my life,” adds Christian. “The one thing that’s always stayed constant in my life is the Bibb family. They’ve always been my family. They just love you. They are real. They are my safe place. I love the Bibbs.
“If it hadn’t been for Stacy and the Bibb family, it would have been a much darker road for me. I was injured in the Marine Corps, and I was going through a really low time. My neck and back were injured to the point where the doctors said I was going to need help walking for the rest of my life. “The Bibbs gave me unconditional love. That can heal so many things. They loved me where I was at, and helped me realize your physical issues don’t define you as a person. I had seen Stacy live those words, but I was still allowing the physical things to define who I was. “I also went back to work for Mountain Shadows at that time. So I got to be around my people and that made me very happy.
“Mountain Shadows changed my life in a good way. Seeing the beauty of differences in the way we’re created – the people of Mountain Shadows see that beauty. Mountain Shadows is a magical place. The relationships you build there are the best you will ever have. Mountain Shadows is one of my favorite places in the world.” |
Adds Portia, “I’ve always been taught that we are love. That’s the real part of us, and that’s why we’re here. It all comes down to those four letters. “But to have the kind of assurance, that this is true, from someone who was a stranger, like Christian, and to watch this kind of friendship, to see it with my own eyes. I don’t think I could ask for anything more. “It’s pretty rare, this friendship they’ve developed.
“Living this life with Stacy, to me it appears that he was born under some kind of star. Angels are always around him. His needs have always been taken care of. We’ve had so many blessings. And Christian is one of them. Stacy and Christian just love each other. “And Mountain Shadows is a whole community of angels. Stacy is the foundation of my life. The reason I can say that, with reverence and gratitude, is because Mountain Shadows allows both of us to have our own lives and still have “our” relationship. “Mountain Shadows makes extraordinary efforts to enrich the residents’ lives, so they can be happy. Because of Mountain Shadows, Stacy has an independent life, with his own friendships and interests. “Without Mountain Shadows – Stacy, Christian, the whole Bibb family – we would not all be together today.” |
Christian, Stacy, and his father, Gary. |
At Mountain Shadows, we believe the intellectually and developmentally disabled individuals we serve are like everyone else. They want, need, and deserve friendships. To have someone to talk to. To have fun with. To laugh with. To cry with. Just like everyone else.
Some may say the friendship between Stacy and Christian is nothing special. It is just two men, sharing the ups and downs of life together.
It is our hope that friendships between the disabled and the able-bodied will one day be the norm, and that no other disabled child will ever be left alone, longingly looking out a window, for friends that never come.
Until that day, if ever the question is asked at Mountain Shadows: “Friends. Where?”
As Stacy and Christian can attest, it is our promise to proudly answer: “Friends. Right here.” |
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The Mountain Shadows Foundation –
Because We CARE |
Thanks to YOUR SUPPORT, the Mountain Shadows CARE program provides recreational and social experiences to residents and participants adding meaning and richness to their lives.
It’s easy for you to help us continue to provide activities like this – activities that improve the quality of our residents’ lives in fulfillment of their dreams. Here are some ways you can help ensure these crucial activities can continue for years to come: -
Make a one-time donation today by clicking on the donate button below.
- Make a monthly or annual contribution.
- Leave a Legacy Gift.
To learn more about the Mountain Shadows Foundation Legacy Society, to include us in your estate plan, or to let us know if you have already designated Mountain Shadows to receive a legacy gift, please contact Mandy Huiras, Director of Development at: mhuiras@mtnshadows.org, or visit our website by clicking here:
Learn More About the Mountain Shadows Foundation Legacy Society Please share this story with your family, friends and co-workers to help grow our Mountain Shadows Family!
To learn more about Mountain Shadows volunteer opportunities, please click below:
Learn about Mountain Shadows Volunteer Opportunities Here |
Mandy Huiras
Mountain Shadows Foundation Director of Development
Contact Mandy today to learn more about the Mountain Shadows Foundation and how you can continue to make a difference in the lives of our residents:
mhuiras@mtnshadows.org |
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