October 8, 2021
Coming Home Again – to Mountain Shadows – is a Beautiful Thing
by Sheryl Wilde
“When COVID hit, we just didn’t know what was going to happen,” says Portia Bibb. “Was everybody going to die? COVID was just so fearful.
“When Mountain Shadows called at the beginning of the lockdown and asked if I wanted to bring Stacy home, or if I wanted him to stay at Mountain Shadows, I couldn’t take time to think about everything.
“My main concern about taking him home was, ‘Will we lose Stacy’s place at Mountain Shadows?!’ I could NOT let that happen. We could not lose Mountain Shadows! I wouldn’t have a mind without Mountain Shadows. I was assured we wouldn’t lose our place, so I decided to bring Stacy home.
“Stacy has been at Mountain Shadows for more than 30 years. It’s his home away from home. Without Mountain Shadows, I couldn’t have worked outside the home. I would never have had the joy of two jobs, the first with the United Way, the second with UCSD. I couldn’t have had this retirement either, where I’m free to take a class or do volunteer work if I choose.
“In the beginning, with my ex-husband Gary’s help, having Stacy at home was a blessing. It was a safety net. He was home. He was safe. His security outweighed everything. Stacy is all we have. We have no other children. Stacy is our foundation.
“By the 14th month, my energy was gone. Depression slipped in. It really surprised me. The last month was scary.
“Stacy weighs 83 pounds. I can’t lift him, but Gary can. During the pandemic, our days began at 6 am and ended at 10:30 pm. Life revolved around Stacy.
“Stacy is my joy and blessing, but because he can’t talk, can’t walk, can’t move anything except his tongue, it’s complicated. That last month that Stacy was home, I realized, ‘I can’t do this!!!’
“Again, Stacy is the foundation of my life. The reason I can say that, with reverence and gratitude, is because Mountain Shadows allows me to have my life, and still have ‘our’ relationship. Our relationship is stronger because Stacy has an independent life, and his own friendships.
“Mountain Shadows has made my life balanced. Stacy’s life and my life – both of our lives are important. Real life only happened for me because of Mountain Shadows.
“When they called in May and said Stacy could come back to Mountain Shadows, but to Jacaranda house, a new house for him, it was a new adventure.
“Stacy dug in at home. He didn’t want to leave at first.”
“Jacaranda house is a new environment for Stacy,” says Jose Gonzalez, QIDP/A. “Due to his health, he needs a higher level of care now. The staff in Jacaranda are all new to him. So, we have been trying to ease the transition for him.
“Portia is a very loving mother. It was hard for her to let go again. For 15 months, she and her ex-husband, Gary, took care of Stacy, all of his daily needs, on their own. They were doing what it takes our whole house staff to do. I honor that.
“I’m very protective of Stacy and everyone in the house. It’s really important that Jacaranda feels like his home.
“One of Stacy’s close friends, Chris, was ready to greet him when he arrived. They have been good friends for over 20 years here at Mountain Shadows and with Chris already living in Jacaranda, it helped ease Stacy and Portia’s anxiety with the move.
“We’re setting up a corner of the house to be ‘Stacy’s corner’ with his computer and communication devices. We’re decorating it to his liking so it feels like his home away from home.
“We just got his computer setup and are working with consultants about the best way to use it. Right now, without his communication devices, we only have ‘yes’ and ‘no’ down. He sticks his tongue out so we can tell where his discomfort is, for example.
“We’re looking forward to when we can use his communication device and he can email us. We’ll be able to meet his needs better. We can never really know what he wants now, and that is frustrating.
“But I know we’re making good progress. I know this because about two weeks after Stacy had returned to Mountain Shadows, I walked into Jacaranda house. I was in a hurry and thinking about some administrative work I had to do and went straight in to the office to get it done.
“As I started working, I heard a resident call out, ‘Hey, Stacy wants to see you!’ So, I went out into the living room, wondering what was wrong. And Stacy was just so excited. I wasn’t sure why yet. So, I said, ‘What’s up buddy?’
“While Stacy can’t speak, he was all smiles, and he was sticking out his tongue, his way of saying ‘Yes!’ And I realized he was so excited because he wanted to see me. He just wanted to say ‘Hi!’ to me.
“It was a moment that really brought back what was important to me. About why I was working at Mountain Shadows. Jacaranda is Stacy’s house. And I thought, ‘Of course! I need to come in the house and say good morning to the residents first! This is their home. THEY are the reason I’m here.
“I appreciated that moment. I got it that Stacy wanted to see me. I also knew then that he liked me.
“And in that moment, it became clear to me that what we were doing for Stacy in terms of care was right and that we were a good fit. That moment told me that things were working well, and that we were on the right path for him.
“Stacy calls me The Giant. I’m 7 feet tall and I can seem intimidating. I’m aware of it. So, Stacy’s nickname for me is The Giant, and I’m great with it. He gave me this nickname because we’re friends. And now he’s learning to spell it in Spanish – El Giante!!!
“The whole staff at Jacaranda just loves Stacy. Luckily, he is really into music and our staff, Jovy Laude, is the karaoke queen. You will find the PM shifts in Jacaranda with everyone singing all kinds of music. There is singing, dancing, lots of fun entertainment. It’s a joyful, happy, good time.
“I once read that we are not measured by what we have, but by who we have in our lives. I believe that’s true. I feel fortunate to have Stacy in my life. He’s opens me up to new perspectives. He can put a smile on his face even with the limits he has. But he doesn’t see them as limits. It’s a beautiful thing.”
From our entire Mountain Shadows family – welcome home, again, Stacy! We are so grateful to have you in our lives.