A Love Like This: A Valentine’s Day Message of New Beginnings |
There is a boy with autism who has taught me more about life, and love, than anything else in this world ever will. ~unknown |
Mountain Shadows New Beginnings Participant, Darren |
Not being able to speak is not the same as not having anything to say.
By Sheryl Wilde Darren was three years old when he stopped talking. During his first two years, he seemed to be developing as a “normal” child. “He was playing patty cake and all kinds of fun stuff,” says Kathy, Darren’s mother.
By the time he was 2 1/2 years old, Darren had begun doing ritualistic-type behaviors. “He was rocking back and forth. He would lay on his tummy and bang his head on his hands.”
At the time, in the late 1970’s, doctors were struggling to determine his diagnosis. “They said he was developmentally delayed. That was the label they put on Darren.”
It wasn’t until Kathy read a book about autism that she knew the truth. “I recognized Darren in that book immediately.” |
“Autism doesn’t come with an instruction guide.
It comes with a family who will love them unconditionally and never give up.” ~unknown Darren lived at home for 13 years. “It was difficult,” says Kathy.
Adds, James, Darren’s father, “Darren would escape quite a bit and that would be a problem. He’s also very sensitive and can only eat certain things. He will take other people’s food. And he’s good at that because he’s very agile and very quick. But when he eats something he shouldn’t, then he’ll get very ill.”
While things were challenging during his childhood, James’ and Kathy’s love of Darren was unshakable, and he remained an integral part of the family. But, when he turned thirteen, and was starting junior high school, “That’s when it happened,” says Kathy.
“Routine is important to Darren. And when they switched him from elementary school to junior high, they had a new bus and driver. For Darren’s safety and the others on the bus, we signed paperwork that would allow Darren to be in a harness while on the bus. “But the school district said they could not keep him in a harness. They said, ‘We have a bus aide that will take care of Darren.’ That was the day things started going really bad. “After the first day of school, the driver pulled up in our driveway, and he said, ‘I will no longer take Darren. You will need to find your own transportation.’ They said Darren was uncontrollable. “Darren was so upset when he came in the house, he smashed things upstairs. He was going crazy because they kicked him off the bus. The next few days went downhill from there. “A different school, a different bus – that changed his routine. And any change will affect him. Many autistic children are like that. They will rebel when things change, and they will do things that are not quite good things to do because they are upset and frustrated, and they have no other way to express it.” After the incident on the bus, things spiraled quickly, and, by the weekend, “Darren had jumped off our balcony. He was injured, and it was bad.” |
Darren and his parents, James and Kathy |
While it was an agonizing decision, the family realized they could no longer care for Darren at home. “I was extremely upset,” says Kathy. “I always called myself Darren’s mother. Then all of a sudden, I’m Darren’s mother, and there’s no Darren at home? It was an unimaginable decision to have to make. “But, eventually, I realized it was the right decision. We loved Darren and wanted him to stay with us, but we could not take care of Darren at home anymore. It wasn’t safe for him, or fair to my other children.” |
Darren enjoys a walk in the community at Discovery Lake |
Darren now attends Mountain Shadows New Beginnings (MSNB) Day Program – where he has, quite literally, been given a new beginning on life.
“We are so grateful for Mountain Shadows and are just real happy with what they are doing,” says James. “They are so caring and supportive.”
Says Heathcliffe Moore, Program Director, MSNB, “Our clients at New Beginnings are all dual-diagnosis individuals, which means they have intellectual disabilities, combined with extreme behavioral challenges, ranging from physical aggression, to self-injurious behavior, to property destruction, to elopement. “Ultimately at New Beginnings, what we do is think of different ways to help these individuals, and give them a chance they may never have received before.” |
Darren as a Gremlin at Halloween |
“I am different, not less.’
–Dr. Temple Grandin
Melissa Gross, MSNB, adds, “This is such a rewarding job. At New Beginnings, we’re trying to shape new behaviors in our clients.
“My little brother is autistic. Autism is more common than you think. I do this work because I want our clients to receive services with compassion, respect and dignity. I know I”m making a difference in their lives. “Darren is awesome! And New Beginnings is a great program for him. We’re the only day program that I know of in North County that offers a one to one staff to client ratio. A lot of programs have three to one, or even six to one ratios, which means the level of care is not constant.
“Thanks to our one to one staff to client ratio, if I’m working with Darren today, and he gets up and goes to the garden, I’m following Darren to the garden. If Darren is going on the bus, I’m going on the bus with him. Our priority is safety. Safety for everyone, the clients and the staff.” |
Darren and staff share a story |
Continues Melissa, “Everyday I come into work, I’m thinking, ‘What difference can I make today in our clients’ lives?
“Darren has made a lot of progress. At first, he was mostly nonverbal. He maybe said one word, very softly. He might stand by the kitchen, so we knew he was hungry. But now he’s saying two or three words! Now he’s saying, ‘I want … cookie.’ That’s a big, big, big thing!” |
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Darren ready for an outing on the Mountain Shadows transportation bus |
“I just love our Day Program setting,” adds Melissa. “We’re able to offer a variety of activities and have a variety of ways to teach our clients.
“Darren used to come in and go directly to our sensory room. He’d go to the crash pad and not really engage. Now he’s much more engaged with us, with other clients, and he’s participating in more activities.
“Darren still has a hard time with some food issues. He loves all kinds of food but is on a very specific diet. We’re working with him on learning to wait. If it were up to him, he would have all three meals at once – the morning snack, lunch, and the afternoon snack all at one time! But he’s doing a very good job of waiting now.” |
Darren in the New Beginnings garden area |
“We’re also working on teaching Darren safety signs,” says Melissa. “We’ll show him three different images and ask him to point to ‘STOP’. And he’ll point to stop! He’s been really, really good at learning these safety signs. “New Beginnings also started doing community outings a few months ago, so we are integrating our clients into the community. We would like them to be more aware of their surroundings. So we teach them, ‘This is what we do at parks,’ or ‘This is what we do at the library.’
“Darren loves going on our community outings. He loves going on walks and will do laps around the park. He also loves sticks. He collects sticks and twirls them around in his hands. Repetitive actions are common in autistic individuals. So, Darren walks around the lake, and around the building, twirling the sticks in his hands. It’s a fun and healthy activity for him.”
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Says James, “We are so happy with the progress Darren is making at New Beginnings. “The last time we visited, they were teaching Darren colors. They had little square cards and each was a different color. And he could tell them what the color was! They would put three cards in front of him and ask, ‘Where’s pink?’ And he would pick the right card. “Darren did that several times. That really impressed me. It may not seem like a big thing – but it is for Darren. It’s a HUGE thing for him! “They let Darren work at his own pace, but they are constantly presenting him with different things to do, different things to help him. It’s really amazing how they do it. They have so much patience. They make things fun and interesting for him.” Adds Kathy, “I know how hard it can be to work with Darren. Once I asked one of the staff members, ‘Do you get burned out?’ He said, “No! I love it here! I never get tired of working with the clients.’
“I feel like everybody’s really supporting Darren. I see real caring from the staff.
“I think you have to love this work. It’s hard, hard work. The people at New Beginnings are good people. I wish we had more of them. I would highly recommend this program to other parents.” |
The most important thing people did for me was to believe in me. ~ Jim Sinclair, autistic activist At Mountain Shadows, we believe in Darren, and we believe everyone deserves to feel loved and cared about.
As this Valentine’s Day approaches, a young man with autism, and his family, teach us about love – unconditional love, given freely, and deeply, no matter the circumstances or difficulties.
“Unconditional love is the kind that stays when times are tough, cheers the loudest when things go right,
and never demands you change who you are.” ~unknown
On this Valentine’s Day, we wish our entire Mountain Shadows Family a love like this.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! |
The Mountain Shadows Foundation –
Because We CARE |
Thanks to YOUR SUPPORT, the Mountain Shadows CARE program provides recreational and social experiences to residents and participants adding meaning and richness to their lives.
It’s easy for you to help us continue to provide activities like this – activities that improve the quality of our residents’ lives in fulfillment of their dreams. Here are some ways you can help ensure these crucial activities can continue for years to come: -
Make a one-time donation today by clicking on the donate button below.
- Make a monthly or annual contribution.
- Leave a Legacy Gift.
To learn more about the Mountain Shadows Foundation Legacy Society, to include us in your estate plan, or to let us know if you have already designated Mountain Shadows to receive a legacy gift, please contact Mandy Huiras, Director of Development at: mhuiras@mtnshadows.org, or visit our website by clicking here:
Learn More About the Mountain Shadows Foundation Legacy Society Please share this story with your family, friends and co-workers to help grow our Mountain Shadows Family!
To learn more about Mountain Shadows volunteer opportunities, please click below:
Learn about Mountain Shadows Volunteer Opportunities Here |
Mandy Huiras
Mountain Shadows Foundation Director of Development
Contact Mandy today to learn more about the Mountain Shadows Foundation and how you can continue to make a difference in the lives of our residents:
mhuiras@mtnshadows.org |
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