“I was just not having it. I suppose it was selfish on my part. You just don’t expect your kid to move out when he’s nine years old.” ~Keith Mitchell |
Take Care of my Boy Keith and Ivan Mitchell – A Mountain Shadows Family Story by Sheryl Wilde
“My dad used to say Ivan was the toughest kid he ever saw,” says Keith Mitchell, Ivan’s father. “But I’m not tough when it comes to Ivan. “When your child is injured, hurt, whatever it is, it’s devastating.
“I can tell you why Ivan ended up at Mountain Shadows. I tried real hard to keep us all together as a family, as one unit, to do things together. But the bigger that Ivan got, well, it was particularly harder for my wife to handle him and get him from place to place, to doctor’s appointments and so forth. And I was always at work when she was doing those appointments.
“My wife, she was probably ready to place Ivan in a facility a year and a half before I was. I was just not having it. I suppose it was selfish on my part. You just don’t expect your kid to move out when he’s nine years old. You know, all those things you want for your child. And in particular, your first child. That was wiped away in the first few months he was here. It was pretty devastating.
“I think what finally convinced me, I guess, was I worked for AT&T, and we always went to the Union picnic. Cathy, my wife, would sit with Ivan and I’d take the other two kids down to the creek and we’d catch crawdads and so forth. Then I’d come back and sit with Ivan and Cathy would take the other kids to the playground. It just occurred to me real hard right there how, as much as I tried not to be, we were two families. One parent took care of Ivan, and the other two kids did something else. I finally had to come to the decision that placing him in a facility was probably best for Ivan and my other two kids …but you know, whether it’s right or not, I still don’t know.
“We tried doing things together as a family. I bought an old school bus that had a pop top, and it had a wheelchair lift and all the tie downs. That was cool because we could all go together in this giant vehicle. But it was hard for Cathy to handle Ivan, to be able to move him around, get him in and out of his wheelchair, and try and get him in that van. It was so hard for her, and I wasn’t there all the time.
“She was having to take him to multiple doctor appointments, every week, testing for this or that. Then there were the surgeries to try and make him more ambulatory, or just to be able to stand in the stander. That was important because there’s nothing that kid likes better than a rough ride with the wind in his face. So, bumping around in that van with the windows down – he was digging that.” |
“I’m going to tell you a little story about Ivan and his troubles,” confides Keith. “And I want you to know upfront, I’m not an anti-vaxxer. But his problem was a reaction to the whooping cough vaccine. I don’t’ know if it’s the same now, but we were told at the time, after the fact, that if you have a virus within a couple weeks of getting that vaccine, you could have some kind of reaction, from very minor to severe. And that the vaccine could also weaken the protective lining of the brain.
“So, Ivan got the vaccine and then right after that he got his first little cold and he was feeling punky. Then I got my first smile from him in about a week. And I thought, he’s over it. But then that afternoon, he started having seizures. And the virus moved up to his brain. That is the source of his problems, the virus went into his brain. The neurologist said it literally ate part of his brain.
“Ivan doesn’t see well at all – shadows, maybe something like that. And it was not an eye problem. It’s the processing part of his brain. He spent a couple weeks in Children’s hospital, then in Kaiser hospital. There’s a lot of stress involved with all that.
“The doctors, they had him knocked out, because there was swelling in his brain. He was on all the monitors and the drips and had a direct line into the vein in his neck to administer drugs. He was knocked out for a couple of weeks, then they slowly brought him back. As we were leaving the hospital, the doctor said something about how he figured Ivan would be up to speed by the time he started school. “That didn’t happen. Ivan has cerebral palsy – and he’s had a lot of surgeries because of the cerebral palsy.
“Cerebral palsy twists your body. Ivan had one hip that was trying to come out of joint for the longest time. It finally came out and they were going to fix it. Ivan has one leg that’s longer than the other and that was because they went in – they were going to reangle the head of the femur so it would go into the socket better. But when they got in there, the socket was so damaged they just cut the head of the femur off.
“For a while, before the surgery, he was able to support his weight and he could take a step if I was holding him, but now he’s not ambulatory. Once they did that surgery, that was the end of his standing. They also cut his growth plate so that leg never grew anymore, so it’s substantially smaller than the other leg. That was when he was six or seven. He had a double cast on his legs. He was strong enough that he could roll over and make a big noise with the casts on the floor. He thought that was funny.
“The neurologist said Ivan has the mental capacity of about a 10-month-old. It’s so hard for him to do anything. To move. But he perseveres. He does what he can do. When I walk in the room and say, “Daddy’s here!” he’ll smile, and he knows who I am. But there’s no conversation. I talk to him. If I can get a smile and get him to laugh a bit, it’s a good day. He’s a pretty happy camper.”
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“It was a long time ago, but I worked at AT&T over the years,” continues Keith. “And I worked in a lot of care facilities for a lot of different kinds of folks. When it came time that we needed to have Ivan someplace, I was scared to death, because I’d never been in one of those places that didn’t smell like urine or bleach. “When we went to Mountain Shadows, just like it is today, when you go into one of the houses, it just smells like people live there. And they’ve got a lot of caring folks there.
“I was afraid of trying to pick some place because we’d seen places that were less than … but once we went to the different houses at Mountain Shadows, I realized this was a caring place and I just like the people there.
“I know Ivan is in the best place he could be at Mountain Shadows. When you go there, it’s not like a facility. It’s like you’re going to someone’s house. People aren’t there to be warehoused. There’s the day program. The residents have interaction with the world. They go to restaurants, or the mall, or the park. “I remember when we played Challenger Baseball. I started off being Ivan’s buddy. He loved the bumpy ride as I pushed him around the bases and the wind in his face. He didn’t know anything about baseball, but he loved bumping around out there. “For a while, I was a coach, then the manager. And there were the other Mountain Shadows folks, like Kenny and Chris and Josh and Brian. Those guys. They all still talk about playing baseball.
“I have a lot of good memories of Mountain Shadows. I remember one time I got Brian out of his wheelchair and sat him on my dirt bike. I know that was a big one for him. And Kenny is the hat king. If you go in his room, he’s got a helmet I painted for him, because he liked the one I had. It’s yellow and it’s got purple flames on it. So, I painted one for Kenny. And I was the sheriff at Circus Day. I arrested people and put Kenny in jail. Kenny was one that definitely did not want to go in jail. Somebody bailed him out.
“Oh, and there’s Karen. She is my nemesis. She would be over by the baseball field, and I would give her a little bit of a hard time. And she was the first one that turned to me and said, “Talk to the hand,” And then she walked away. I always have to give Karen a hard time. She doesn’t take any guff; I’ll tell you that. If I give her a hard time, she gives it right back. “The baseball. That was great. It was a big hit. Those were some fun days.” |
Says Vanessa Mendez, Mountain Shadows – San Diego, “Ivan has a really nice smile. He likes it when you sweet talk to him. He loves listening to music and sitting by the window and looking out. During Covid we would sit outside together in the swing by Crepe Myrtle. “When Ivan sees his dad, it’s the biggest smile ever when he comes in. He drops everything and just starts giggling and laughing. He loves his dad. His mom, Cathy, passed away a few months ago. “Ivan is non-verbal but when you get to know him, he has special sounds, so you know when he’s happy, or mad.
“Throughout the years his father has always come to see him. The family has been really supportive and loving and caring. I always appreciate that because a lot of our population doesn’t have that. I think that’s really nice for Ivan to have. The family involvement is important.
“When I started working at Mountain Shadows, I actually thought I was coming for a just a year, for the experience. Now it’s almost ten years later and I’m still here. I’ve fallen in love, you know. Being able to help the residents out and advocate for them – not a lot of people have the patience for this job. I was scared too. But I was like, “I’m going to give it a try.” And I ended up loving it.
“The residents are a part of who I am now. Anything that affects them affects me. When they’re not happy or something’s bothering them, it bothers me too. I want to make sure I can help them, make them happy, help in any way I can. A lot of them don’t have a family involved, so they become a part of the family here. Any way I can help and make their life a little bit better, it makes it much more rewarding being here.
“Mountain Shadows always looks out for the clients.” |
Adds Keith, “As I said, I was afraid of trying to pick a place for Ivan to live, because I’d seen places that were less than … but once we went to the different houses at Mountain Shadows, I realized it was a caring place, and I just liked the people there.
“The benefit of Mountain Shadows to us has always been knowing that Ivan was being cared for. Every time I leave there, I tell those folks that work there, the last thing I say is, “Take care of my boy.” I don’t know why, but every time I go there, when I leave, it’s harder to leave every time. I love all my kids. But because I have to leave him behind – well, it’s never been easy to walk away. “But I know he’s in the best place he could be at Mountain Shadows.
“Mountain Shadows has been the perfect place for Ivan. I can’t imagine a better place.” |
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The Mountain Shadows Foundation – Because We CARE |
Thanks to YOUR SUPPORT, the Mountain Shadows CARE program provides recreational and social experiences to residents and participants adding meaning and richness to their lives. It’s easy for you to help us continue to provide activities like this – activities that improve the quality of our residents’ lives in fulfillment of their dreams. Here are some ways you can help ensure these crucial activities can continue for years to come: - Make a one-time donation today by clicking on the donate button below.
- Make a monthly or annual contribution.
- Leave a Legacy Gift.
To learn more about the Mountain Shadows Foundation Legacy Society, to include us in your estate plan, or to let us know if you have already designated Mountain Shadows to receive a legacy gift, please contact Mandy Huiras, Director of Development at: [email protected], or visit our website by clicking here:
Learn More About the Mountain Shadows Foundation Legacy Society
Please share this story with your family, friends and co-workers to help grow our Mountain Shadows Family! |
Mandy Huiras Mountain Shadows Foundation Director of Development
Contact Mandy today to learn more about the Mountain Shadows Foundation and how you can continue to make a difference in the lives of our residents:
mhuiras@mtnshadows.org |
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